


The Unfortunate Circumstance of Being a Girl

by Lyumia



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bad Jokes, Bad Puns, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Crossdressing, Dirty Jokes, Fan Clubs, Fangirls, Humor, Inappropriate Humor, Irony, Jokes, M/M, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-20
Updated: 2015-07-28
Packaged: 2018-04-05 01:42:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4160844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyumia/pseuds/Lyumia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Somehow they had made a horrible mistake that was second to a giant meteor crashing into the planet and ending all life (for some reason that was oddly specific), but at the moment he wanted to be anyone but Cloud Strife as he looked up at Rufus Shinra with a blank expression and said ; "You want me to dress as a girl and sneak into an all female department that would skin me alive if I was ever discovered for personal amusement?"<br/>And despite Cloud's intense glare the Vice President smiled and replied, "Exactly."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Unfortunate Difference Between Girls' and Fangirls'

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little side project so I'm not binging in writing Dollhouse, as usual I don't own anything and I'm pretty awesome. XD

Somehow they had made a horrible mistake that was second to a giant meteor crashing into the planet and ending all life (for some reason that was oddly specific), but at the moment he wanted to be anyone but Cloud Strife as he looked up at Rufus Shinra with a blank expression and said; "You want me to dress as a girl and sneak into an all female department that would skin me alive if I was ever discovered for personal amusement?"

And despite Cloud's intense glare the Vice President who smiled that serpent smile and replied: "Exactly."

How he could barely grasp how he got into this situation in the first place was beyond him- but somehow his last name being Strife should've clued him in that once he left the small, sleepy desolate mountain town of Nibelheim he would have some serious misfortune on his hands after he applied for the elite military group SOLDIER at the Shinra Power Electric Company but...

"Of course if you are discovered we'll explain the mishap and the Vice president will take full responsibility for his actions." The man in the neatly pressed suit further explained, sending a questioning frown to his superior. "And you will be compensated for any injuries."

"With insurance?" He asks hopefully. Only SOLDIERS got insurance, but it wasn't too much to hope for, was it? 

Judging by the way his alleged 'long-lost' relative barked out a laugh, insurance was too much to expect out of a billion Gil company that was essentially bent on world domination. "Can I call family rights and punch him in the face too?" He tried, figuring maybe Shinra was backwards like that. 

"Of course not, little brother," Rufus took on a light tone as if he were scolding a child. "You have to prove your worth for insurance."Apparently, any threats were ignored, though the man who was presumably from the western country of Wutai sent him a sympathetic stare.

Right now, he really hated his life. 

Originally the sixteen year old had ment to talk to the secretary about the small mistake they had made for marking him down as a girl which eventually lead to being escorted by Tseng in a blur and the blonde haired blue eyes white suited COO who had discovered that Cloud Strife was distantly- as distant as Shiva and Irift could be on a geological map- related. 

Or as Rufus stated; brothers. 

Though he had been raised an only child he was sure wanting to see a younger relative crossdress for shits and giggles was borderline sadism. "It won't work." He protested.

"It'll work." His (perverted and sadistic) supposed brother smiled that sickening sweet smiled and ruffled Cloud's hair. "I expect Tseng will prepare you for your mission, so off you go." 

"I'll fucking kill you." Cloud promised with a sweet smile of his own as Tseng began to lead him away.

"I love you too Cloudy." The vice president smiled with a wave and the door closed behind them while Cloud glared furiously at the Turk. "You're not actually going to make me go through with this are you?" 

Brown eyes feel on him and the Turk- that was what they were called if he recalled correctly- who remained indifferent. "Yes. I'm not privileged to got against the Vice Presidents' orders. However ridiculous they may seem." 

Somehow, Cloud had the feeling that the Wutain was being chatting and nonchalantly inquired; "so he does things like this often?" 

A calculated stare was cast Cloud's way and the man swiftly replied; "this way." Leading them through the lobby where the cursed secretary who had sent him to Rufus before stared passionately at her computer as if the meaning to all the world's questions were splayed across her screen. 

Oh gods, this was actually happening. 

The revelation sunk in when he stood before a clothes maker in the slums that smiled down at him enthusiastically and debating with his daughter. "Kill me." He begged.

"Don't be ridiculous, you'll knock em dead!" The daughter bounced, holding out two pairs of woman's undergarments that could rightfully be classified as string, and she asked; "so, lace or pink?"

The better question was which one he could strangle himself with when the day was over. He wasn't exactly masculine like the walking picture definition, General Sephiroth, who was the most acknowledged member of SOLDIER and essentially it's poster boy, but that didn't mean he wanted to walk around in- oh gods how does someone even walk in those! 

His eyes widened when the father produced a pair of high heels. "For dancing." He shrugged.

For _dancing_!? What kind of masochist would wear those things to _dance_!? Ugh, suddenly he was starting to sympathize by the way his ankles ached even _thinking_ about wearing those devil contraptions. Gods he was going to wear those things!

"I'm going to kill myself. See you all in whatever damned afterlife there is." He waved, stepping away from the two and about to leave, but Tseng who had be silent since arriving said; "something else please?"

The father and the daughter pouted, but reluctantly put away the heels when the door slammed open. "Who wants to look pretty!?" A brown haired woman- oh, no that was definitely a man- demanded, wearing high heels and a purse strapped onto his arm flamboyantly. "Oh no darling, that's just not you.." She- he, said towards the clothes the shop owners were putting away. 

"Uh...can I die now?" He begged, sticking out his lower lip with a pout.

"Don't be silly darling! The first time is always the hardest." He nodded sympathetically while Cloud wondered who the hell was this guy. 

Apparently all of Midgar just totally ignored pleas of suicide and threats of violent murder. 

"Now, what have you always wanted?" The man bent slightly, placing his hands on his knees and smiling at Cloud. 

What he wanted? What he wanted was to get into the SOLDIER program- the male portion- and become stronger than the great General Sephiroth... But..."piercings." Those were cool. He had thought about getting a few after he got into SOLDIER.

"Piercings! I got it!" The brown haired transvestite grinned and turned to the shopkeeper. "He's gonna be a bad girl!" 

You hear that readers? That was the sound of his soul seeping out of his body. 

"Yes! Belts and buckles!" The daughter squealed, continuing her happy prattle with her father as he sat himself down at a sowing machine. 

"What about studs?" The daughter pitched while Cloud glowered murderously at Tseng. 

"I forgot to ask your name darling." The cross dresser grinned, working his hand through Cloud's wild blonde hair.

"Cloud." He grumbled, shifting his glare to the person in front of him. 

"Awe that's perfect! You'll be the bad ass Claudia! You'll knock em dead with that glare!" He laughed.

_Kill me ... **now**._

He let out a sigh- since the torture was finally over and he was in a loose tank top with a belt lopsidedly slung around his waits, cargo pants that reminded him if the ones SOLDIER wore, except a pair of knee high boots went over the pants with a few buckled straps on the sides. Studying his reflection in the mirror he prodded at the ring on the corner of his lip, then the two circular metal pieces on the end of the bar in his eyebrow. 

"Body jewelry is not regulation." Tseng said, two shopping bags of clothes in his arms. 

"Fuck off. If I'm dressed like this I at least deserve to wear whatever I want." Clpoud snapped, sending him a vicious glare the Turk barely blinked at. 

"Of course." He replied flatly. 

Somehow Cloud had the impression that Tseng was secretly enjoying his misery. 

The female military branch iof Shinra was slightly smaller due to the controversy of having female soldiers, but frankly Cloud didn't care because he personally knew two women who were bad ass with a rifle and another who was learning martial arts...though he hadn't seen Tifa since that night on the water tower.

Stepping into his assigned dorm he saw three other girls already unpacking their suitcases. 

Gods this was really happening.

"Yo." A tall girl with muscular limbs gave a lopsided smile with her lazy greeting, light blue hair and deep golden eyes to go with her dark skin Cloud noted with envy that she was taller than him. "Name's Azul." She extends a hand and Cloud shook it, noticing her firm grip.

"Cloud- I mean Claudia." He quickly corrected himself, chanting that Azul could probably break his back with ease. 

"Nickname?" She grinned, stretching her tall from on her bottom bunk leaving Cloud the top bunk.

"Yeah." He managed to toss his bag on the bunk above her as she responded: "cool. Call me blue, if ya want. But don't fuck with my shit, okay?"

Nodding, Cloud shifted his gaze to the other two girls one who had her lond black hair braided over her shoulder and glasses reflecting the light of her screen. She was...remarkably short. 

The second girl was a brunette, she had the kind if heels that made Cloud's ankles hurt and she sent him a dark glare before she shoved her suitcase away in her trunk. 

"Do you think this is possible?" A voice inquired as an image of a silver haired man in the middle of a scandalous position with a red haired man.... _oh my gods_... Cloud stared blankly at the computer screen, looking past it to see the bespectacled girl staring at him with more indifference than Tseng. 

"Maybe." He managed, avoiding the picture. Because he knew exactly what the drawing was- or rather who the drawing was centered around; General Sephiroth and Genesis Rhapsodos. He had only heard rumors and whispers of things like that back in Nibelheim...but it was kind of hot. 

She made a grunt of acknowledgement and closed her computer, spinning on her heel she rubbed her hands together as she faced Cloud. "My name is Maya, I advise not to use my computer without my permission." 

"Well if we're doing introductions," the brunette spoked up producing a few sheets of paper, "I'm Rachel, and this is a list of rules and a schedule so we can interact as little as possible."

Cloud blinked down at the paper. She was joking...right?

"This ain't cool man- I get some if this, but the rest is bull shit." Azul frowned, meeting Rachel's glare.

"I have to concede," Maya nodded slowly, pushing up her glasses with a finger. "Some of thses rules are inconsiderate while the schedule is irrationally arranged to only benefit you." She rubbed her hands together again. "I think... No never mind."

"Yeah, I'm not so sure about you guys but I'm pretty sure Momma didn't potty train my ass to take a shit at five hour intervals." Cloud deadpanned, handing back the paper. "You guys can have the bathroom first though."

"Yeah, have at it bro." Azul nodded, pulling out a music player with large headphones. Gods everything about this chick was super sized.

"Agreed." Maya nodded, sweeping the room with her eyes before reopening her computer and typimng away at the keyboard. 

Scoffing Rachel walked out of the room, her heels clicking on the floor and door slamming behind her. 

Well...this was boring...

"What are you writing?" He peered over Maya's shoulder to look at the paragraphs on the screen and instantly regretted it when she gave him a grin that would even sent the Silver General himself to the psych ward. 

"My one true threesome fanfiction." Oh Gods that grin was a whole 'nother kind of crazy. 

"Fanfiction?" He repeated, reading the paragraph she had scrolled to. 

_Sephiroth frowned, leaning forward slightly to press his lips gently against the inner thigh of-_

_"_ OH MY GODS WHAT KIND OF PERVERT READS THIS STUFF!" Cloud roared, flailing weakly as he tumbled off the bed. Summoning whatever meager courage he had lefty he reminded himself that if he couldn't handle a little fanfiction, then how could he handle the training program?

_Genesis shuddered, tugging on the long silver strands while Angeal pressed his board chest to Sephiroths back and his hands traveled down to-_

_"_ I CAN'T DO IT!!" He cried, his face burning red, and Maya gripped his shoulders firmly.

"You can do it Claudia! You can read the fanfiction!" 

Deeply moved by her words Cloud stubbornly glared at the screen. 

_Sephiroth smirked as Genesis writhed beneath him and tossed hhis head back with a moan, Sephiroths fingers-_

"I couldn't do it." He fummed, sitting in the corner and hugging his legs to his chest. 

Azul and Maya nodded understandingly, while Maya groped Cloud's chest Azul patted his shoulder. "First times are always the hardest." She offered. 

"If you want I have some lighter stories if you want to work your way up." Maya pitched. 

"How long have you've been writing?" Cloud tilted his head curiously. 

"A few years but...no never mind." She shoom her head and rubbed her hands together. 

"No, I want to know." He argued, grimacing as Azul slapped Maya's hand away from her own chest. 

"Well... it's just like I want to do something different from BL." She admitted. "I'm a fan of horror and psychology."

"Sounds cool." 

"You don't think it's weird."

"Nah man," Azul shrugged, " you do whatever the hell you want."

"Yeah, its not like Shinra's gonna court martial you for writing some serious horrorshow." Cloud grinned. 

"Horrorshow..." Maya repeated with a grin. "I like the sound of that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Started: 06/18/2015  
> Finished:06/19/2015
> 
> So the term 'Horrorshow' was a nod to Cpl. Hicks story Invictis (which Is really amazing BTW)  
> So you met the girls and now it's bonding time!  
> Really Maya's just a pervert so she's probably going to be so fun to write XD!


	2. The Unfortunate Difference Between The Athletic and The Athletically Challenged

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is really turning into more fun than it's supposed to, so I'm focusing this chapter around Azul and Rachel.

Cloud took the towel he was offered by Azul, wiping the sweat forming underneath his fringe and taking a small sip of his water he sat himself down on the bench outside. So far a week passed without incident other than being forced to read Maya's experimental fanfiction drafts and shying away half through and the occasional visit from Rufus, he just finished crawling on his hands and knees through mud under a wire fence, and then said mud fired on his uniform while he ran suicides with the other girls who ran along. 

Despite her short stature Maya and love for moving as much as a snail more Athletic than Azul- which was shocking discovery when the drill sergeant treated to take away her computer she bolted to the front of the group and broke a record. He grinned, remembering when the instructor's jaw had dropped and stayed motionless for ten minuets- which we then discovered that Maya had a temper that could match a rampaging Nibel Dragon.

"Yo Cloud." Azul called, staring down at her water bottle. "Would you mind going to Shinra Headquarters later?" 

"Field trip?" Maya inquired with a grin as she stretched. 

 "Ya can say that." Azul frowned, playing with the loose strands that fell out of her hair clip. 

"Alright!" Maya jumped up, marching in place. "Do you think well see Sephiroth?"

Snorting Cloud rolled his eyes. "I'm pretty sure the General-"

"Hey it's General Sephiroth!" Maya laughed and pointed to the silver haired man who was being gawked at as he walked alongside the drill instructor. "Do you think we'll get to talk to him?"

"Of course not he's-"

"Walking this way." Azul gruffly commented as she have a salute. 

Intense emerald eyes stared down at the three of them and Cloud noted that there wasn't a single difference in his step that was akin to a cat like gait- well from what he'd seen from that damn cat the neighbors had that he would probably see in hell one day. "Cadet." 

_Oh, how great, he's staring right at me._

_What the hell?! He's staring right at me!_

Forcing himself to meet the man's stare as he rose and saluted with Maya he swore to god he would kill Rufus if Sephiroth could tell he was a boy after all. "Body jewelry is not regulation."

Apparently not. A small part of him had always thought that meeting his idol would be incredible, but this was just anticlimactic. Well it's better than what the readers were probably expecting. Then again he had never intended to meet his idol under the identity of a girl, so reaching up to play with his lip ring he stared back at the General. "And...?" 

"Take it off."

Haha, you dirty minds, it's a piercing, not his underwear you perverts. 

Sending a glare to Maya whowho failed to hide her snickers with her hands he looked back to the General. "Usually I wait till after the first date, but-"

"Cloudy's gonna strip!" Maya squealed. "Someone get me my camera! I have to post this on my-"

"Cut it out you perverts!" Rachel huffed, making this the first time Cloud had seen her all morning. "Show a little respect and act your age!"

Gasping Cloud drawled sarcastically; "how did you know that I'm five?"

"Jail bait!" Maya sobbed into her scarf. "Why'd ya have to be jail bait Claudia!"

"Pervert." Azul teased, tugging on Maya's hair playfully. 

Clearing his throat, the general glowered at the three of them. "I'd advise you to-"

"OH MY GOD!" Cloud slapped his hands over his cheeks and turned back to the general."I just realized something!"

Rubbing his ear with his pinky the General growled out; "And what have you realized Cadet?"

"You haven't been mobbed by Fangirls yet." Cloud laughed, watching as the other girls in the program's expressions brightened instantly.

Resisting the urge to laugh at the expression of a deer in headlights Sephiroth made Cloud grabbed Rachel by her wrist and ran, out of the corner of his eye he could see Azul and Maya sprinting away from the ocean of squealing girls.

 "I...can not....believe... You did that..." Rachel panted as Azul grinned from ear to ear.

"Consider it a break." Azul offered. She looked nice when she smiled. 

"So, we off to headquarters?" Maya grinned, marching in place again. "'Maybe we can steal some underwear while we're there."

Scoffing Rachel rolled her eyes and put her hands on her hips. "You really are a pervert. Guess I'll have to go with you guys to keep you out of trouble." She sighed, running her fingers through her hair. 

"Alright! This'll be just like an RPG!" Maya bounced! Skipping along with Azul as they made their way pout of the training grounds. 

"RPG?" Azul repeated curiously.

"Role Playing Game." Cloud commented. "Like Final Fantasy Seven."

"What's that?" Rachel raised an eyebrow.

"It's a convoluted series mostly about a short guy with an even shorter fuse as it's protagonist." Maya chirped happily. "Though there are other instalments with taller protagonist."

"Sounds like Cloud." Azul mused. 

"A gender bent one." Maya giggled. "Maybe I should write something about that too." She mused.

"I don't get you guys at all." Rachel sighed. 

"Maybe cause you're not there?" Cloud finally spoke up, sending a glare up at Azul for the short comment. He didn't have anger issues, he was just too emotionally constipated to tolerate all the bull shit in the world. 

"Yo, we have to take the train- did you guys bring your ID's?" Azul commented, truning to face them as they approached the platform which caused Cloud to slouch at the sight of the metal monster. 

Tentatively he stepped on, already feeling his stomach roll with the slightly rocking car as Azul stood next to him. "Motion sickness?" 

Nodding he glared down at the floor in order to keep his stomach contents. 

"You know what they say: the strongest spirits have the weakest stomachs." Maya laughed. 

"Why don't you just take medicine?" Rachel snorted, looking bout the window with a frown. 

"Medicine does not cure." Azul noted distantly. 

"I know that." Rachel pouted, sending a glare up towards the large teenager.

"Now that I think about it-" Cloud winced as the train lurched forward, "you do know a lot about medical treatment, don't you?"

"Yeah, I thought I saw your name in the top spot in our modern medicines' class." Maya commented offhandedly.

"There's a list!" Rachel balked. "How embarrassing!"

"My parents are Shirna Scientists." Azul admitted. "We don't get along much." 

"Why not?" Cloud looked up, gripping the metal ring tightly in order to keep himself form tumbling over. 

Blushing, Azul looked away. "They...don't like the idea of me wearing pink.'

 _Seriously? That's it?_ Cloud wanted to say 'at least your family doesn't force you to cross dress and enlist in an all female militant camp, but _no_ , pink is a _totally_ understandable conflict. "Why should they say anything? It's not like you're gonna walk around in your birthday suit with a pink hat on your head." Cloud deadpanned.

"Yeah," Rachel adamantly added; "its your choice weather or not you can wear, the worst they could do is take it away, but you can always buy more clothes." Rachel snorted. 

"Ditto." Maya smiled smugly, sticking her tongue out at a large breasted woman and moving it vulgarly. 

Tugging on the offending object Cloud sent the woman an apologetic glance. "Maybe the pervert isn't the best opinion to consider, but no one's going to care weather or not you wear pink."

Slowly Azul liked at them with wide eyes and and smiled. "Thanks yo."

"We can even go shopping after training too!" Rachel exclaimed. "Uh...actually... I'm more into guys clothes myself." She admitted.

Okay, that on he never saw coming. 

"I have some stuff like that if you want to wear it." Cloud reluctantly offered. "Though I'd have to find it first." Last time he had his old clothes...getting them would mean talking to either Rufus or Tseng...and right now he desperately wanted to murder Rufus so maybe gently maiming Tseng would be better.

"Really!?" He eyes brightened and Cloud smiled back. 

"Yeah, I'd have to ask...my friend where he put it though." 

"Whoa! Sector Zero!" Maya gushed, skipping off the train and staring up at the large building. "Think of all the computers I could hack here!" She chortled, earning a few wary grins- though, little did they know that that five foot two girl was capable of devastating corporate companies they would give her a few extra glances when she got into SOLDIER.

"Don't say that! You could be arrested for joking about that." Rachel hissed in an urgent whisper. 

"She wasn't kidding." Azul noted, walking past the two girls. 

"What?" Rachel blinked, looking back at Maya then the the skyscraper before them. "You're normal, aren't you?" She asked hopefully.

As normal as a cross dressing little brother of Satan in a white suit could be, he wanted to say. "I guess." He shrugged, walking through the door where Azul was talking to the receptionist who was probably looking at some fanart- leaning forward slightly he saw that indeed, she was looking at some rather provocative fanart that made his face flush in embarrassment. 

 _I wonder if the general really is that flexible_... Shaking such thoughts from his head as he stepped into the elevator he listened to Rachel's and Maya's argument instead. "...I'm just saying, that the general doesn't look like a top." Rachel argued. 

"But what about commander Hewely? He looks like a topper too." Maya protested. "And studies show that men with power like being bossed around in the bedroom sometimes."

"I think they'd alternate." Azul commented thoughtfully.

 _Kill me now,_ he begged, wondering why the hell he ever decided that listening to those two Fangirls was ever a good idea. "Why are we even talking about this?" Cloud groaned, slapping a hand over his face and shaking his head. 

"Its important to capture every angle in a romance to paint the perfect picture!" Maya grinned, looking out the window whimsically.

"And she's gone." Cloud sighed, tugging her out of the elevator the instant it stopped on the sixty sixth floor. 

* * *

 "I can not believe you flirted with her mother." Cloud balked as they walked out of the laboratory. 

"It was amusing." Azul grinned, seemingly unaffected by Maya's antics.

"Can we just get Claudia's clothes and leave?" Rachal rasped, looking as if she had just been scared for life. 

"Alright Cloudy! Lead the way!" Maya cheered, earning a few glances from opassing scientists. 

"I have no idea where to start." He admitted.

"Well ladies, you could always start with red haired and handsome." A voice drawled, turning to see jwho the voice belonged to he saw a red haired man- actually he looked more like a teenager- with red hair falling over his googles smirking at them. 

"You're a turk right?" Cloud tried, noticing his haphazardly worn suit. 

"And your the bosses little sister." Blue eyes glinted knowingly and Cloud instantly felt his thoughts shrink to something akin to ' _oh shit'_.

"Yeah, what's it to you?" He challenged.

"Nothing yet Cloudy," the red tattoos on his cheeks lifted with the corners of his lips. "Nothing yet." 

"Just tell me where can I find Tseng." He snapped impatiently. 

"Where's your sense of adventure Boss?" He snickered.

"Its right up your ass where my foot's gonna be." Cloud spat out with even more venom in his glare. "Wait. Did you just call me boss?" 

"Nothing gets past you, does it boss?" He grinned wider, and Cloud wihsed he was wearing his heeled boots so when he kicked the Turk it would hurt more. "See ya later little boss." 

_Did he just wish....?_

"Cloudy, this is no time to be sulking like a Chocobo! We're supposed to be going on an adventure!"

_I hate my life._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Started: Unknown  
> Finished: 06/23/2015


	3. The Unfortunate Difference Between Painfully Obvious and Plain Stupidity

Cloud blinked again. "So you guys knew I was a guy this whole time?" Well maybe this wasn't such a great conversation to have in a crashed golf car with the other three covered in a mixture of paint, glitter and chocobo feathers and his sexuality came in the clear, but hell this was a _bonding_ moment.

"It was kind of obvious." Rachel shrugged.

"Your voice is kind of deep." Azul commented.

"I saw you changing in the locker rooms!" Maya pitched in, grinning madly from ear to ear without her glasses for once. "Nice bod by the way."

And to think an hour ago Reno had sent them off on a quest that lead them to a black haired SOLDIER who had probably spent a ridiculous amount on the suit of armor he bought and sounded strangely like a kicked puppy when Rachel had outright bashed on his cliche and ridiculous flirts and a few run ins with a few other Turks until they found Tseng

-or more accurately, accidentally run him over with a golf cart and a few other SOLDIERS, including the puppy knight whose hearing may never be the same again.

"Pervert." Cloud deadpanned, rubbing his lip ring with a frown. "So what now? We still don't know where my clothes are."

"Amazing!" Maya cheered, hugging herself with a squeel. "Right now we should be at the falling action stage, meaning that we should find the bag soon as the resolution."

"Come on Maya, its not like its gonna happen just like-" Cloud started, but when none other than Satan in a white suit walked in carrying a duffle slung on his shoulder appeared, followed by a livid General Sephiroth on his heels.

Okay, so maybe he shouldn't have laughed like a maniac when he steamrolled the man, but it was kind of deserved after all the man wouldn't let him keep his piercings since it was the only thing that was Cloud's, and not Claudia's.

_Earlier that day._

"Doesn't the author mean where we left off in chapter two?" Maya mused, staring at the dark letters in the previous transition. "'Earlier that day'? How lame is that?" She scoffed, rolling her eyes and placing her hands on her hips. "At least use a line breaker or something!"

"Is it really that much of a big deal?" Azul raised an eyebrow, rubbing her chin thoughtfully. 

Cloud sighed, rubbing his temples. "Yeah, we should just try and look for Tseng already." 

"No! I'll hack their computer if I have to for something that doesn't look like it came out of a fanfiction!" Maya roared, her fingers hovering threateningly over a nearby abandoned computer placed for the authors story telling convenience.

"Wait!" Rachel cried out frantically. "I haven't gotten to say anything yet!"

* * *

"We might find him faster if we use this." Rachel announced, sliding into the passenger seat as a very, very pink Turk named Rude who looked utterly gobsmacked when Maya had pointed out his skin had completely been dyed a shade of pink while Cloud managed to pick a key card off him. 

All access? Nifty.

"Congratulations!" There was an unsteady rattle of metal and Azul's jaw dropped as a guy dressed in shiny metal armor swiftly, and effortlessly walking despite the obvious bulk. "You unlocked fast travel! You'll find your objective on your map, and you'd find your compass points directly south to 'handsome' and 'charming'."

"You're standing east." Rachel deadpanned, folding her arms over her chest. 

"Uh.." The knight paused, considering this and making noises of agreement. "Well, Reno said that Tseng should be on the fourth ninth floor, but if you want a side quest for a date with your shining knight in armor I'm sure Tseng won't mind."

"That's paladin armor. " Rachel once more caused the knight- paladin, to shrink back with a low whine of dejection. 

"Well... Here." He held out a pair of keys to Cloud who felt a little guilty when the guy sulked as the other girls slid into the golf car.

"Don't worry, I'm sure other girls would love it if you dressed lie that with them." He assured, having the odd impression that he was being stared at adoringly.

"Really?"

"Yeah, it's really endearing since not a lot of people would go that far." Maya chimed from where she sat in the back. 

"Thanks!" The knight- paladin- did a little fist pump. "Alright! Now to bother Seph...."

"Have you ever driven before?" Azul asked as Cloud put the keys into the ignition.

"Pft, of course I have- I mean, how hard can it be?" He said just as he accidentally backed into the man in armor, cringing as he fell to the ground with a horrid ringing echoing in the room.

Oh my god, you hit him!" Rachel cried, as Maya let out a shriek.

"Owwww....why won't the ringing stop?" The man groaned, the metal still vibrating violently.

"What!? You were the one dissing all his flirts!" Cloud shot back nervously, yelping when he crashed the car into the Turk who was no longer in his stupor, but moaning in agony on the ground.

"But I didn't back a car into him!" She sounded hysteric.

"Are you trying to kill everyone?!" Maya howled, all three clutching the side bars for dear life as Cloud veered into the hallway.

"No! At least I think so!" 

"Speed bump?" Azul joked weakly as the car bounced over someone.

"Dude that is so wrong-"

"Take the stairs!" Rachel blurted out, pointing to the upcoming door.

"Why the stairs?!" Maya, sobbed as Cloud rolled the car over someone's foot.

"We won't fit in the elevator!" 

"Take the stairs!"

"I don't like these stairs! Use the main ones!"

"Are we seriously having this argument!?" Cloud roared, steering up the main  staircase. 

"See, I told you these stairnwere better." Maya beamed.

"I think we just ran over another person." Azul winced, scooting a little closer to the safety bar. "Is that who you're looking for?"

Surely enough, there was Tseng, standing like a deer and headlights and soon to be under their vehicle.

"Uh.... No?" He tried, glancing back and feeling slight satisfaction. ' _Ha that's what you get for making me crossdress pervert!'_

"Hey isn't that the elitte trio of-"

"Where!?"

"Oh my god Cloud, you just ran over Sephiroth!" Rachel balked, staring back at the two Commanders who stared down at their General with their mouths agape. 

"Ahahaha! I love this thing!" Cloud cried, spotting Reno off to the sidre he was about to call for him when they were assaulted by a barrage of paint, feathers and glitter.

 "Decorations!" Maya cheered, shaking a few feathers out of her braids. "Do I look like a German sparkle party?"

"What the hell is that?" Rachel raised an eyebrow causing Cloud to look back. 

"Idiot! Keep your eyes on the- were going to crash!" Azul barked, the three being pusherd forward in their seats upon impact.

"Note to self: never let a man drive." Rachel sighed, shaking off some glitter. 

"Huh?" Cloud blinked. Wait...

"Rachel that's sexist." Maya chided, ruffling Cloud's hair. "I'm sure he's never driven before."

"What?" _Oh my gods._

"You said you were from a small town right?" Azul added, furthering Cloud's horror.

"You know?"

"Of course we know." Rachel snorted. "We figured you we're either a pervert or gay because I don't know a single guy who could ever rock those boots like you do."

"I'm leaning they gay side." Maya giggled. "And you're so into that fanfiction."

"Be proud, my friend." Azul sniffled, patting Cloud's back affectionately.

"So you knew this whole time..."

"Cadet Strife." Sephiroth started with a leveled glare, and Cloud noticed with satisfaction he still had tire tracks on his person. "Would yuou like to explain what occoured here."

"Uh... Reno?" Somehow Cloud felt like that guy would be the answer a lot.

"Well that's unfortunate." Brother Devil said, "I believe this is what you were looking for?" Rufus dangled the duffle like a treat as the girl's jaws dropped at the sight of Shirna's vice president.

"And what relations do you have with Cadet Strife, If I may ask?" Those emerald eyes shifted to demon blonde who smiled sweetly.

Maybe he'll explain the mishap and everything will work out.

"She's my darling sister, of course."

_God, it was too much to hope for! Rufus, I will kill you!!_

_"Claudia_  here and her brother Cloud werebron of a whore, since Cloud is ill and weak he was bullied often, so Claudia had to defend him you see? And now Claudia hopes to find a future in SOLDIER to pursue her dreams." Rufus finished his mantra and Azul was already holding Cloud back from murdering the man. 

Sephiroth wasn't actually going to believe that bull crap, was he?

"I see." 

He believed it!

"Why do I feel like the readers are laughing at me?" Cloud sobbed quietly, and Maya patted his shoulder comfortingly.

"They make you miserable because they love you." Rachel whispered, smiling at Rufus who gave the girls and Cloud a curious look.

* * *

And that was how Cloud ended up here, dressed as himself and standing shyly in the elevator and tugging on his sleeves remorselessly, wishing he could once again run the wheel of the golf car over the General's perfectly sculpted face. 

"Hey, your head in the Clouds or something?" Another passenger in the elevator waved a hand in his face, the SOLDIER had tissues in his ears in his ears and his black hair stuck out wildly in tails as he smiled down at the boy.

"Uh... No sir, I'm just visiting my brother." He answered meekly.

"Really? Who is he?" 

"Uh... Rufus Shinra." 

"Ha!" He laughed, "I thought you looked familiar! You're Claudia's brother aren't you? My name's Zack."

"Umm... Cloud. Nice to meet you sir." Oh gods, were people really this dense? He didn't even think the General would buy Rufus's story... Especially the bit about Cloud being 'sick' and Claudia's 'troubled upbringing'.

"No need, just call me Zack." He smiled charmingly and Cloud nodded shyly. 

Why was it so much easier to be Claudia? Must be the piercings. He decided, rubbing the spots where he had taken out the metal. 

 "Hey, you feeling okay?" Cloud's heart warmed at the sight of Zack's worried favceand somehow he felt as if he knew the man.

"Do I know you from somewhere?"

"I'm pretty sure I was your pet dog in another timeline." He shrugged and flashed another brilliant smile. 

"Huh... That explains all the puppy comparisons..." 

"Not you too!" Zack whined, slumping slightly. "Even Angeal calls me 'puppy'."

"You walked into that one." Cloud teased, playfully ruffling his hair and blinking in surprise when his foot tapped a little. "Dude."

"Not a word, _Chocob_."

"But... _dude_." That was _adorable_.

"No squeaky toys."

"Cookie biscuits?" Cloud offered, pully the small bag out of his pocket (once again placed for the Author's story telling convince).

"Please."

After a few belly rubs, treats, and ear scratches, Zack was humming with a stupid grin on his face and Cloud was left with the impression he had just cuddled a bundle of fur when they made it to their floors, General Sephiroth standing in the corner while Tseng and Rufus sat at the table. 

"Ah Cloud." Rufus greeted with one of his sickeningly sweet smiles. "I'm glad to see you're doing well."

"Yeah, like the last time you swore you 'accidentally' pushed me down those stairs." He glowered.

"Yes I suppose Midgar is a big change from Nibelheim." He nodded dismissively and Cloud began to wonder just how much selective hearing these guys had. "Wouldn't you say so General?" 

He gave a glance to Cloud before looking away disinterested. 

Mother fucker!

"Anyways, I assume your journey was a smooth one." Rufus continued.

"Depends weather you or not you consider being tossed overboard a Junon ship smooth."

"That's wonderful, Junon does look nice in the summer." Rufus once again nodded still smiling like a shark pretending to be a dolphin. 

_I wonder I I could get Zack to bite him..._

"Why am I here?" Cloud grumbled, sending a look to Zack who was still in a pleased daze.

 "I was discussing with the General weather or not you could be accepted into the SOLDIER program." Was Rufus... Being... Nice?

"Uh... Are you dying?" Cloud blinked dumbly.

"What do you say General?" He frowned, making Cloud question what the man was thinking as he walked off and all the girls swarmed him.

"What did he want?" Rachel asked excitedly, ss

"No." Thee man replied flatly, forming at Cloud. "I have no use for weak boys in my division."

_Oh no he didn't._

"Come on Seph, that's a little harsh!" Thank the maker, Zack was back online!

"Better not to watse resources on hopeless causes."

"Well fuck you!" Cloud snapped, angrily flipping off the man. "I can take care of my self just fine! You're 'A knave; a rascal; an eater of broken meats; a base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited, hundred-pound, filthy, worsted-stocking knave;

a lily-livered, action-taking knave, a whoreson, glass gazing, super-serviceable finical rogue; one-trunk-inheriting slave; one that wouldst be a bawd, in way of good service, and art nothing but the composition of a knave, beggar, coward, pandar, and the son and heir of a mongrel bitch:

one whom I will beat into clamorous whining, if thou deniest the least syllable of thy addition'(1)." Cloud roared in rage.

"Why, what a monstrous fellow art thou," Cloud reered back when the red head; Commander Genesis Rhaspodos stepped forward from next to Angeal Hewley where he stood stunned in the elevator.

"Thus to railon one that is neither known of thee nor knows thee!" He finished proudly. "Very well said young one."

"Uh... What?" He blinked dumbly, looking at the faces of each stunned face in the room. Oops. Look like Hewely would have to take a second trip up. 

Heat rushed into his cheeks when he realized the full scale of his actions. "Uh... I'll be going now." Awkwardly he shuffled towards the elevator, as it opened Cloud slipped past the still stuned Hewely and pushed him out of the elevator. "Uh.. Bye."

* * *

"I am so dead!" Cloud cried, panting lightly during their morning drill as the other the girls ran beside him. 

"You did the right thing." Rachel argued. "He had not right to say that."

"I monologued some angry old guy!" Cloud exclaimed in exasperation. "Right in front of the most popular menversof Shirna!"

"Tsengs popular?" Maya blinked, taking her phone from her bra and clicking away. "Dyaaaaammmmm that fandom though!" She whistled, sending a nod to Cloud saho was too mortified to think of its meaning.

"Cadet Strife."

Groaning, He reluctantly slowed to fave the silver haired man who was once again being gawked at.

"If its about what happened last night, I don't want to hear about it." He snapped, sending a glare up to the man.

"No, I realize that my actions regarding your brother were uncalled for..." He trailed off sending a pointed stare to the girls threatening to swarm who quickly scattered. 

"Then what do you want?" Right, rightr now he was Claudia, thanks for the reminder you jerk.

"I..." Was he blushing? "Would be interested in spending time with you. Say... Dinner this weekend?"

"Uh... That's it?" Cloud raised an eyebrow. "I guess." He shrugedd, running a hand through his hair, wincing when he accidentally caught his fingers in the hoop earring he wore. 

"Well then... Take care." He frowned, making Cloud wonder what he was thinking when he walked off and almost all the girls swarmed him.

"What did he want?" Rachel asked excitedly, a few others echoing her.

"Just dinner... This weekend."

The chorus of deafening squeals that followed made Cloud wish he hadn't answered. 

"Awe! They're going on a date!"

"What dress should he wear!" Another questioned.

_Wait..._

"I wonder if they'll adopt!?"

 _What_?

"You guys know too?" Cloud balked in horror, shrinking back when another girl in their group snorted. 

"Of course be know- we're girls, we know girls when we see one." The ravenette rolled her eyes and continued her planning.

"Oh the reveal is going to be great!"

_Wait..._

"He thinks I'm a woman!" Cloud sobbed, curling up into the fetal position and wishing he could die. "Why me!? Why is it always me?!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 06/29/2015  
> 06/29/2015  
> (1) that was a monologue in King Lear, by Shakespeare, and Genesis's line after it is Oswald's response to what King Lear said. BTW best insult ever.


	4. The Unfortunate Difference Between The Complete Truth and The Omitted Truth

Cloud stared back at his expression in the mirror with a frown.

His face was in an oval shape, his jaw was firm but his cheeks were high and soft; his lips were bright pink and glossy thanks to the makeup the girls used, as they had said 'use enough to make it pop, but not enough to make it drop' which was starting to make sense.

The tanner shade of eye shadow made his blue eyes stand out more, and his dark lashes- longer with the help of some mascara made him look... Sexy. 

"I... Kind of like it." He drawled, playing with the white dress, which was called a teacup dress for some reason Cloud would never want to understand but he liked the way he looked. Innocent... But sexy.

"Embrace your female empowerment." Rachel proclaimed with her usual dramatic mantra. "People need to realize masculine identity doesn't have to apply to every guy out there! We live in an age where gender association can be anywhere on the spectrum of the complex human mind!"

"Wow, this chapter is actually sounding morally acceptable." Azul commented quietly to Maya.

"I know right!?" She said as she waterfall braided the girls blue hair, dressed in a bright red cocktail dress with her dark hair down for once.

"Now for the finishing touch." Rachel grinned madly while Cloud nearly died in embarrassment when she held up the lacy lingerie.

"I'm not wearing a thong!"

"And there it goes." Azul sighed, tugging on the hem of her miniskirt. "I know your brother gave you money for your date, but why did he give us money too?"

"Not sure. Something to do with Reno." Cloud replied darkly, shrying away from Rachel who looked as if she would tackle the boy to the ground and force him into the offending underwear.

 "Come on Cloud, I'm sure even Sephiroth would appreciate it if you-"

"He's not going to look up my skirt!" Cloud barked, clutching the hem of his dress and tugging it down as much as he could without exposing his chest.

"You never know when a casual breeze may..." She grinned wider, making Cloud's legs shake nervously.

"I... Don't think... That... Does make sense." He swallowed nervously. Would the General hate him? Be disgusted with him? Gods, he wasn't so sure about this date now.

"Don't back off now!" Maya protested. "There's statistical evidence that the general is a kindly man! He'll appreciate the gesture!"

Woman were seriously an entirely new level of telepathic communication and gathering research.

"She's right Cloud. No one ever wears that much leather unless they like leather or like BDSM" Azul nodded in agreement.

"Isn't that stereotypical?" Cloud quirked an eyebrow questioningly.

"Have you ever worn leather pants?" She replied darkly, as if she were remembering something.

"Uh... No..." He didn't think there'd be enough circulation down south if he did.

"Don't." Rachel shuddered, resuming her underwear promoting.

When finally gave into to wearing the underwear it was thirty minuets until he was to meet Sephiroth outside by the water fountain, and his nerves finally caught up to him. 

_Why would the general want to go on a date with him?_

_What would happen when he found out?_

_He'll hate you forever._

Shut up stupid voice of insecurities. 

"Cad- Claudia." A voice startled him from internally glaring at himself- which was an interesting experiment that left him cross-eyed and his tongue sticking out of his mouth in concentration.

Sephiroth took a deep breath to ease his jumbled nerves- General's do not get nervous, he reminded himself as he stood before the short haired blonde who looked rather fetching (1) in white with her boyish charm and posture that seemed unique to her.

Okay, maybe he was nervous, but any war veteran would be when faced with the daunting task of their first date with a woman. Which was a bit sad, since he was twenty three years old.

"Nice." Was all she said, glancing at his dark sweater Genesis had picked out to go over his white shirt.

_"If you're even thinking about stepping out of the house like that- or a date," he ranted in exasperation, tearing through his closet like a whirlwind. "You are sadly mistaken my friend._

_"Genesis, calm down." Angeal chuckled, languid as he combed through Sephiroth's hair and tied it off loosely for the seventh time. "Better?" He asked Genesis, watching the reed head in bemusement as he gestured for the silver haired man to stand._

_"This is ridiculous- and it looks the exact same way it did the last time Angeal did it, and the last." He deadpanned, sending a 'no offense' glance to the dark haired man who merely raised a hand and shook his head like the hippe he was._

_"Goddess save him." Genesis prayed, shaking his head. "I can't believe you were educated in advanced molecular physics and a thousand more scientific words I can never hope to pronounce, but don't understand the concept of 'fashion'."_

_Angeal chuckled once more at Genesis's antics once more and sent an empathetic smile to Sephiroth. "Don't worry Seph. He's just mad because he could never make me wear that dress when we were younger."_

_"It was a tunic!" The man groaned, shoving the sweater into Sephiroth's hands. "Here, let's hope she is as headstrong as you say and won't belittle you for your horrendous wardrobe choices."_

_"Why would she do that?" Sephiroth blinked in confusion._

_"Oh Goddess save him now." Genesis sighed, taking a tone he usually reserved for what he considered were 'educational purposes'. "There's more to seeking relationships with someone than 'masculinity' Sephiroth, I don't know what that sexist head of the science department has told you about 'courting' but most people look for good qualities that have **substance**."_

_"I'm afraid I don't understand." Sephiroth frowned, wishing Hojo hadn't been the one to educate him in **that** field. Till this day he was still scarred for life with the talk about 'suitable mates' and spreading 'quality genes to the next generatiom'. _

_"Its basically a single Gil coin." Angeal began I his usual way of marvelous hippie explanations. "It's worth something, but not much because there's a lot of other one Gil coins that look exactly the same."_

_"So... If I make myself seem... Shallow..." Oh how Hojo would e enraged at the use of such words. "She'll become disinterested?"_

_"Yes, that's exactly what I just said." Genesis huffed. "Hurry up and put your shirt on."_

_"How do I keep myself from seeming... Shallow?" That word again._

_"Be yourself." Angeal offered with his usually helpful but not helpful hippie advice._

_"You're the biggest dork I've ever met." Genesis snorted. "She'll probably find you endearing if you don't say something stupid. So don't say anything stupid."_

_"You're both so helpful." He dralwed sarcastically as he was being pushed out the door._

_"Yes, yes, I don't sugarcoat anything darling; now go knock 'er dead." Genesis rolled his eyes as Sephiroth gaped at him in horror._

_"But I like her alive! I like her very much alive!"_

_"Goddess above..." Genesis laughed, as did Angeal, but he had the decency to hide his snickers behind his hand. "It's an expression, now go wow her socks off."_

_"Was that another expression?"_

_"Wow, you're quite the hipster, aren't you?"_

"I apologize for my tardiness." Clearing his throat he mentally shook the memory away. "I hope you didn't have to wait long."

"Nah, I just got here too." She smiled, and was she wearing makeup? For once the product actually looked flattering... He really hoped that mascara didn't have bat poop though. Curse Zack and his random facts.

And for some reason, some of those facts involved breasts- how he learned them, Sephiroth never wanted to know, but he was never interested in the female anatomy, which was why he could appreciate Claudia's flat chest.

God, he was a pervert.

"Shall we?" He held back a wince, debating weather or not he should make some gesture. Maybe... A platonic relationship... That sounded nice... There was Cloud, but the boy would probably sooner knee him in his nether regions than date him after he tested to boy's nerves earlier that week.

Unfortunate.

"Sure." Much to Sephiroth's joy, she began walking towards the train, impressed that she was such a confident and independent woman he followed her, wondering how she knew their first stop would be the trains.

"This entire area is Shinra property, the only restaurant here is in that building and the most expensive in Midgar." She smiled, making Sephiroth question female telepathic abilities. "You mumble."

"I see..." He blushed, following her onto the train and admiring the city that was bathed in the orange light of the setting sun. "Did you know, " he blurted out, alreading cursing Zack and his random facts,

"that the sun sets red because within the visible range of light, red light waves are scattered the least by atmospheric gas molecules. So at sunrise and sunset, when the sunlight travels a long path through the atmosphere to reach our eyes, the blue light has been mostly removed, leaving mostly red and yellow light remaining."

Despite his promise to impale the energetic puppy later, Claudia's stunning blue eyes brightened. "Really?"

"Yes." He relaxed a little, watching her enjoy the veiw with some awe- though Midgar's skyline was usually tainted with smog and gasses, today the sky was mostly clear.

Maybe some deity of love stopped laughing at him and graced him with this moment.

"In Nibelheim," she started, a note of fondness in her voice, "it wasn't the nicest place and all... But if you went up the mountain during the summer... Its so beautiful." 

So this just be the _Romantic Orientation_ Angeal had been talking about when he first told them of his attraction to the girl. Love must truly not know gender. Correction, 'attraction'. Even he wouldn't go as far to use such words to infuriate his sperm donor.

Why couldn't she be a boy!? He cried out to the love deities mocking and laughing at him and his misery. 

The Silver Demon, whipped by a boyishly looking girl with unique bblonde hair and baby blue doe eyes.

Now that he thought about it, maybe it wouldn't be too far fetched to think these were Wutain gods shunning his south from blonde hair and baby blue doe eyed attention.

Gods he was such a pervert.

"How do you like Wutain?" He inquired once the blonde began to look sick after she sat down in her seat.

"Uh..." She breathed shakily. "No food... Not now." 

"Motion sickness?" Should he rubb her back or something like Angeal does when he gets sick after mako injections?

"Yeah, just... Give me a minuet to make the room stop spinning." She resumed her deep breaths and Sephiroth shyly sat down next to her and embraced her. "Hey handsome... As nice as you feel... Not helping a whole lot." She whispered, her voice barely audible.

Sephiroth held on tighter. 

The train slowed to a stop.

Sephiroth kept holding him. 

Cloud breathed out once more, overwhelmed by Sephiroth's scent as the man held him and his stomach began to quiet down. 

"We'll have to take another ride if we sit here." He tried, secretly living the mixture of spearmint and lalic. "And possibly a reservation."

"I'd hate to sound self conceited, but I'm General Sephiroth. They wouldn't dare." He snorted, rising from his seat, but held their hands together with their fingers interlocked.

"Ha, I'm sure you could go anywhere in just your underwear and no one would question it." Cloud teased, smiling up at Sephiroth. "But then again... That shirt is kind of dopey."

Cloud watched as the man's smile fell and silver eyebrows narrowed together in puzzlement. "I don't believe cloth can be drugged or sleep deprived." He deadpanned and Cloud had to refrain himself from giggling.

"Its slang." He barked out with an odd laugh, but oh well.

"Slang for what?" 

"Cute. Very very cute." He grinned, giving the man a small kiss on his cheek. 

Those stunning emerald eyes widened comically and a light shade of pink immediately dusted his features. 

Oh gods, Cloud hoped he really didn't just kiss the silver General. In public. And now people were ogling. And he and Sephiroth were still holding hands. 

Just great.

"This way." Sephiroth seemed to snap out of whatever daze he was in and quickly lead Cloud away at a pace that made him grateful for the practice in heels. 

"Is that traditional?" He noted. And Sephiroth couldn't help but feel a hint of fondness that Claudia had been able to tell the difference between the usually tacky shops on Midgar's surface.

"You can tell?" He didn't bother hiding how impressed he was- most of his dates could never guess.

"I'm from a backwater town." She grinned. "So I can tell Midgar's shit from non-Midgar shit pretty easily."

"Remind me to ask for your advice the next time we dine." He teased, blushing once more when he realized how he had phrased that. "If you... Want to."

"Let's see how this date goes first." She ducked her head bashfully, a dark shade of pink spreading over her ears and cheeks. 

"After you." He held the door open for her with a small smile, exchanging pleasantries with the owner they were quickly lead to the single rooms here a table was already prepared with wine and incense.

Gosh, overkill much? Now this was just horridly cheesy. And was that a miniature sakura tree?

"Is that a miniature cherry blossom tree?" Claudia echoed, a wide smile- well wide in her range of expressions from scowls, neutral and the slight upturn of the lips, Sephiroth couldn't really criticize her lack of expression since he himself usually preferred a mask of indifference.

"I believe so. If I had known he would go overboard, I would've never told ghim I was bringing a date." He muttered. 

Tentatively, she sat down, closing her eyes and inhaling deeply. "Its nice." Prusing her lips she sat silently for a moment.

Nope. That in no way made Sephiroth feel giddy. Not at all.

"Its wonderful." She smiled a bit wider, though it didn't lack anything in the earnest department.

Well hell, now he was really giddy.

"Here." She lifted the wine bottle, pouring a little into the glass laied out on his side of the table before pouring her own. "So, I guess this is the 'get to know you' part?"

"If you're comfortable. We could start after we order or get our food."

"Actually I'm kind of curious... Like... What are your hobbies." The blonde admitted, biting on his index nail thoughtfully. 

"I have none in particular, but I do enjoy a good spar. And maybe a book, occasionally." He answered swiftly, as he usually did. He wouldn't lie that he would be mildly disappointed if she asked one of the usual questions too.

"What does it feel like?" She blushed. "Fighting, I mean." 

That was definitely a new one. "Like I'm weightless." Gosh was this strange feeling in his stomach what they call butterflies?

Her eyes almost glowed, and she looked absolutely wonderful like that. "That sounds amazing. Um... Have you ever heard of parkour?" She asked, almost sheepish. It was endearing.

"The... Old Kalm military training?" He blinked in confusion. "Yes, I know if it."

"Well, back in Nibelheim I found some old books that described it... So I do something Midgar folk call Freerunning.

His mouth hung open for a total of five seconds before he managed to close it. Then once again gape like a fish. "That's impressive."

"Hush."

"I'm afraid I don't understand that connotation, but that is impressive Claudia." 

"Umm... People actually... Call me Cloud." 

"Why?" 

"Because... Gods... I shouldn't have let Rufus do this." She breathed out softly, looking down at her hands folded in her lap.

"What would Rufus Shinra have to do with-" oh. _Oh_. **_Oh_**. 

"Yeah... Cause I'm Cloud." He prused his lips and fliched when Sephiroth put both his elbows on the table and furrowed his brows in thought.

"Well... That's... Why?" Sephiroth glowered at him, watching the boy shrink in his seat. 

"Well... They messed up my forms when I applied for SOLDIER and he kind of bribed me into, ya know, pretending to be a girl."

Sadly, that made sense. The spoiled brat was know to cause mayhem and misery... He wondered why the executives had been cheery these last two weeks. But still, that didn't excuse Cloud from... Doing whatever he was.

"And why did you decide to go on this date with me? What do you get out of this?" He hissed. 

"Well... Mostly the girls kind of made me." He frowned. "To be honest this was kind of anticlimactic compared to the things they came up with."

Rubbing his temples, Sephiroth let out a sigh. God, he hated Fangirls. 

"I am sorry. I never meant for it to go this far." He took a deep breath. "Fuck that."

The silver haired man blinked as the blonde continued; "I'm not sorry. I'm so happy that I got to talk to you," his small hands were shaking but nonetheless, he continued; "I got to get to know you- know the girls, got to meet them and be a part of their world."

"I'm so fucking happy I wore this stupid dress and you hugged me when my stupid motion sickness started- I've never been so fucking happen to wear this stupid underwear just because Maya said it would be 'a nice gesture', and I'm damn happy I got to tell you the truth. Sorry if I wasted your time." 

He stood, albeit, shakily and walked out of the room with his head raised. 

Regrettably out of the millions of questions burning Sephiroth's mind 'what kinjd of underwear' turned out to be the most prominent one.

God, why was he such a pervert? He wondered as he held his head in his hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 06/11/2015  
> 06/11/2015


	5. The Unfortunate Difference Between Friends and *Their* Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Ya know I wasn't sure if I would even update this week cause I've been really sick lately and haven't been on my computer all that much; or have been managing my writers block so yeah things have been a little difficult lately, but here I am with another update.
> 
> And I don't own the songs these guys sing; Lace and Leather by Brittney Spears, and Say Say Say by Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson.

"You seem troubled." Tseng's voice broke through his thoughts as he sat in the room where his failure of a date happened.

"Did you know?" He sent a leveled glare to the Wutain who pushed the wine glass Sephiroth had been drinking for the past hour on the table.

"Yes. I helped Rufus with his scheme." He replied smoothly, grooming Sephiroth's hair- which was disheveled due to running his hand through it so many times- in a rare demonstration of affection.

"Why?"

"Rufus believed it would be humorous."

"Why did _you_ do it?" He snapped, hoping the stoic man would give away some answer.

"I was curious." Was his vague reply. "I already explained to Rhaspodos and Hewely. They're waiting for you when you return home."

Home. That has always been such an odd word. "What is home?"

"Where your family is."

"What's family?"

"People you love."

"What's love?"

"People you hold in high regard. There are many versions." And that concluded the end of their usual banter. Sephiroth stood just as Houyka stepped through the door with a frown. "What's wrong boy? You scared off your date?"

"Not... Really." He grimaced, feeling a little bitter at the memory of the days events. 

"Awe, she looked like a good woman. Strong legs." He shook his head in dismay. 

"Legs? What would legs have to do with it?" He raised an eyebrow, watching the two Wutain's exchange a glance. 

"Strong legs came from long walk/ Many scratches on two strong legs/ legs have long journey." Was his cryptic response, leaving with the empty wine bottle and glasses. 

"That was a Haiku." Tseng explained, helping the man steady himself as he listened to the lesson intently. "A bad one, but still has the right syllables." 

"So what does it mean?" He grumbled, walking with the Turk out of the diner and into the brisk Midgar air that didn't feel as filthy as usual, much to his relief due to his slight intoxication. 

"Interpretation." 

"You all have a fetish for being overly vague and cryptic, don't you?" He drawled bitterly.

"These are just the lines the author gives me." Tseng chuckled, leaving Sephiroth to stare at him in confusion. "I think you should think about Cloud's feelings in this situation."

"His feelings?!" He hissed bitterly. "He was the one who 'played me'!"

"Yes, how horrible it must be to meet an understanding individual that just bso happened to have some extra baggage." He snapped sarcastically. "I thought you liked men, didn't you? And his friend's tell me he wore white lace lingerie just for you..."

White lace.... Oh gods that what he meant....

"I'm sure its not a completely mortifying experience to be forced to cross dress when you come from a narrow minded homophobic town either, one that flaunts masculinity and testosterone around like a new car either." Tseng continued.

The old fashioned guilt card... How its worked every time...

"That doesn't give him a valid excuse to lie-"

"Rufus would've threatened him and you know it." 

God why was Tseng the voice of reason in this situation?

"Of course he lied to you, and that's wrong, but its wrong to completely blow him off when he wanted to get to know you as Cloud." Tseng finished as they stepped onto the train.

"The silent treatment how mature of you General."

"..."

He didn't look to see if Tseng left or not, but when he stepped off of the train he walked directly into his apartment, gaping at Genesis in surprise when the man flung the door open to his apartment and slapped him, and then promptly hugged him. Then effectively slapping him again.

"Ow." He replied lamely as Genesis once again hugged him. 

"Hush up you big dolt." Rolling his blue eyes the man quickly pulled him unto his apartment and shoved a cold box into his hands. 

"Ice cream?" 

"He brought Golden Girls too."  He heard Angeal chuckle from the couch in his living room. Sephiroth ventured into the room where the man held up an impossible amount of cans held together with too little plastic. "I brought beer."

Sephiroth had only seen Angeal drink once, and that was when Zack held a small party to celebrate his promotion- and then the man was only tipsy, but somehow a drunk Angeal was even more of a glorified hippe, and what Genesis called a 'hipster'.

"Fuck yeah y'all are my bitches." He cheered with a fist bump that was reminiscent to his teenage years. 

"Oh Goddess I have unleased a monster." Genesis giggled, bumping his can a little with Sephiroth's who held his out for a toast. 

"Only in bed." The man winked and Sephiroth began to wonder how such a large man could be such a lightweight. 

Just as he was about to take another spoonful of ice cream Genesis purred; "you had such fun demonstrating last night didn't you?"

"Oh my god." He usually didn't gape, but today was a record breaker. 

"Ah shit." Angeal ran a hand through his hair and gave a pensive stare towards Sephiroth.

"You aren't mad we haven't told you?"Genesis frowned, his brows furrowed with worry.

"No, god, no." He laughed, picking up his dropped spoon. "So whose the bigger spoon?" He inquired offhandedly, remembering one of their past conversations.

"Its been on and off." Angeal, suddenly sober, elaborated. "But we've been together romantically since we were teenagers."

"Holly shit, you guys know the Fangirls will go insane." He laughed, leaning back against the couch from where they sat on the floor.

"Seph, I don't think they'd go completely wild." Angeal quickly rebuffed with a frown.

"Are you kidding?" He snorted. "You know those girls are total fujoshi's- have you even seen the fandom?"

"Never speak of it." Angeal shuddered with a haunted expression. 

"Ok-ay." He replied quickly, stretching out the word. "But you guys should at least feel comfortable enough to go on a date."

"And usually I'm the voice of reason." Genesis laughed, kicking Sephiroth's leg playfully.

 Which made Sephiroth roll his eyes when said voice of reason was laying on the bar reciting Loveless- albeit it was a slurred, horribly, horribly slurred but still LOVELESS no less. 

"Hey," Angeal hiccuped, and Sephiroth refrained from calling his friend a lightweight as he reached out, his hand swiping the air a few times before landing on Sephiroth's shoulder. "Seph, do ya think Gen could make an ode to that kid's ass for me, cause its... Its like... A supple..." He drunkenly searched for words as Genesis blurted out; "muffin!"

"Muffin!" Angeal repeated as if the word held the meaning to all life. 

Taking a glance to where Angeal had gestured Sephiroth sighed for the millionth time since they walked into the club. "Angeal, that's Zack."

"Oh." They both grumbled, sharing a look. "Threesome?"

"Fanboys." Sephiroth snorted, looking back over to where Zack danced with a blonde- spitting out his drink he stared wide eyed at Cloud who tentatively rolled his hips to the pounding music. 

He was dressed androgynous- maybe that was why he had been mistaken for a girl, with an exotic mixture of a lithe figure and soft features the loose pants and shirt did nothing by leave it up to the imagination. Sephiroth caught a glimpse of a thin silver line curving over his pale hipbone and suddenly his mouth was very, very dry.

"What'r'ya'staring'at?" Genesis slurred, wrapping his arms around Sephiroth and attempting to pull himself off the bar counter, but his head snapped back and he took a dive to the floor. "Angeal there's karaoke in an hour!"

"Yeaaaaaaaahhhhhthatsdoesntsound... Honorable." Angeal replied dumbly, tracing a circle in the air by cupping his hands. 

"Aweee yur so cute when" he hiccupped, "when yer all 'honor and dreams'." Sephiroth then watched as Angeal pulled Genesis off the floor into his lap and proceeded to cuddle the shit out of the red head. 

"Yesh, is this all Fangirls see when they write Angesis fanfiction?" Sephiroth cringed, moving away the two before he started picturing the two as cuddly stuffed animals- nope, too late. He could never take them seriously ever again.

"Hey seph!" Turning he could see Zack waving, arms around Cloud as he dragged the blonde over. "This would be a great time for you two to talk!" Zack cooed, pinching Cloud's cheek adoringly.

Sephiroth wished he could pinch Cloud's other cheeks. 

God why was he such a pervert!

"Yeah, a loud bar where everyone is fucking drunk as hell, Reno and Maya are dry humping in the corner and the owner keeps trying to get Rachel as a bouncer." Cloud hiccupped. "Leave me alone; I'm in a permanent self loathing state worse than advent children."

"Sounds very... angst-like." Sephiroth answered warily at discovering Cloud was also capable of fourth wall breaks. 

"Now if you excuse me, I'm going to drown myself in alcohol to forget about my inability use phoenix downs on the people I love most in life." He drawled, making his way to the bartender trying to keep Angeal and Genesis from snuggling on the counter. 

"Have fun you two!" Zack cheerewd with a wave, returning to a large blue haired woman who stared down at him indifferently. 

Sighing, Sephiroth joined Cloud at the counter. "You know..." He swallowed thickly, pretending that he didn't see the white string peeking out from underneath Cloud's waistband. "This is an alternate universe, and from my understanding I'm not going to go insane, kill your best friend and his Cetra girlfriend so..." He frowned. _Wow_ the author must be quite the skilled romantic to come up with _that_ line.

Lyumia pouted, sneezing into a tissue. "Hey! I've been sick all week so give my mushy brain a break!"

"Go away, you're ruining the plot!" Cloud snapped, pushing Lyumia back into her computer chair and duct taping the hole in the fourth wall. 

"Look, I'm sorry okay?" Cloud sighed, laying his head down on the counter, giving Sephiroth a very nice veiw of that ass Angeal would probably want an ode to. "But what I said still stands; I'd really like to gt to know you more."

"Well..." Sephiroth was about to agree until he saw Genesis push Angeal onto a stage; "you can start by helping me drag Angeal off the stage before he starts singing something embarrassing." He groaned, wishing the old hippie would realize that not everybody liked his drunken karaoke episodes.

Oh good, Genesis was joining him- _oh **god** no_! Genesis was joining him! "Helo me kill them before my ears bleed!" He begged, shaking Cloud by the shoulders. He could only pray that they wouldn't do some horrendous, promiscuous pop song that.... Oh no... Its too late.

" _French finger tips, red lips, bitch is dangerous/ Cotton candy kiss, can't wait for my sugar rush/ Can't take it no more,/ I've got to have more tonight (tonight)/ This feeling so strong, I'm puttin' you on tonight/ Alright, let's go..._ " Genesis and Angeal purred, causing Cloud to tilt his head questioningly.

"They actually aren't that bad, I don't see why..." He stooped himself as the next verse began. 

" _Baby take a seat, eyes on me, this is my show/ Your one and only pleasure/ All decked in lace and leather/ Fantasy, courtesy... on me, baby let's go/ Watch me apply the pressure/ All decked in lace and leather..._ " To top it off Angeal swung around a pole that was built into the stage.

Heat rushed to the blonde's cheeks as he quickly turned away from the performance, chugging down the large glass the bartender had set in front of him. 

"Now you understand?" Sephiroth sighed, rubbing his temples as the crowd cheered. 

He nodded sheepishly as they continued; " _Heels 6-inch, makes a boy want to bite his lip/ Look but don't touch, unless you want to loose your innocence...._ " 

Sephiroth felt heat rise to his cheeks as he watched Cloud bit on his pink bottom lip shyly, making the older wish he didn't find him so kissable. 

Wasn't he supposed to be angry?

No, that would be too much effort, he'd much rather recall how nice Cloud's legs looked in heels when he occasionally saw the blonde off duty in casual wear. 

Maybe he over reacted. 

"Who do you pick as your next victim?!" The host cheered, and Sephirth's stomach threatened to crawl up his throat and slap the man in the face. 

"Sephiroth." Genesis sang, his eyes glowing mischievously. "Come here with your sexy boyfriend before we steal him from you."

"He does have a nice ass." Angeal admitted with the most ridiculous and Zack-like expression he had ever seen. "Do you think he could be in the ode too?"

"He and his ass."

He really hoped those two realized they were still talking into the microphones, and making Cloud turn redder than a tomatoe. "Best we get it over with." He took his 'boyfriend's' hand into his own, guiding the younger onto the stage where he gingerly accepted the mic Angeal gave him, turning an even darker shade of red when the man leaned close and whispered something into his ear. 

 "I already picked out a song, just as cute as him," Genesis whispered, "you guys are my OTP so don't ruin it for me."

"I hate you." Sephiroth growled, yanking the microphone from his hand as lyrics were displayed on a small screen. Sighing, he decided he may as well take the lead. " _Say, say, say what you want/ But don't play games with my affection/ Take, take, take what you need/ But don't leave me with no direction_." 

Cloud knew he was redder than a tomatoe, especially after realizing which song this was. Summoning his courage he held his gaze with Sephiroth, singing the next line; " _All alone, I sit home by the phone/ Waiting for you, baby/ Through the years/ How can you stand to hear/ My pleading for you dear?/ You know I'm crying ooh ooh ooh ooh_." The irony of this song being the one they chose... Sephiroth had such a nice voice... It was a pleasant deep rumble that was smoother than honey and sweeter than gumdrops.

" _Go, go, go where you want/ But don't leave me here forever/ You, you, you stay away/ So long girl, I see you never_ " Sephiroth scowled, realizing why Genesis had picked out this particular song and swore to give the man a rude awakening from his impending hangover tomorrow morning.

_" What can I do/ Girl to get through to you?/ Cause I love you, baby/ Standing here, baptisted in all my tears/ Baby through the years/ You know I'm crying ooh ooh ooh ooh."_

_"You never ever worry/And you never shed a tear/You saying that my love ain't real/Just look at my face/These tears ain't drying"_

_" You, you, you can never say/That I'm not the one who really loves you/I pray, pray, pray every day/That you'll see things, girl like I do"_

_" What can I do girl, to get through to you?/Cause I love you baby/Standing here baptised in all my tears/Baby through the years/You know I'm crying, ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh_"

Sephiroth prused his lips, holding Cloud's gaze as the blonde stared passionately up at him passionately, blue eyes almost glowing with determination- no his eyes were actually glowing, how was that possible?

 He liked how the blonde challenged him, and his unyielding spirit... Sephiroth frowned, cupping Cloud's cheek with his hand, running his thumb along the smooth curve of his cheek. He leaned forward, watching Cloud's dully glowing eyes widen and as he patted his lips Sephiroth gingerly pressed his own to his for a kiss. 

Cloud gave a content sigh, deepening the kiss as their tongue's danced for dominance, Sephiroth never really realized how wet a kiss could be as this or that Cloud had the gentle taste of vanilla as the blonde submitted to his advances causing a surge of victory to run though his chest; nibbling on Cloud's bottom lip with a soft growl. 

The cheers of the crowd drew them apart with a blush, but their fingers intertwined and Sephiroth gave Cloud's hand a small squeeze. 

For once he couldn't think of anything perverted.

* * *

 Cloud groaned, ignoring the throbbing of his head as he sat up searching for his uniform but instead his fingers brushed something soft, glancing down he stared up at the large shoulder on his chest, Sephiroth slept on top of him, his arms around Cloud's back and making the blonde wish he could stay here all day.

Dropping his arms from around Sephiroth's neck, running his fingers through the soft silver locks of hair. 

"Nhgh." 

"Oh god." Cloud flushed, hoping Sephiroth didn't just made the sound he thought he did. Curious he tugged lightly on the strands. 

"Ahh-hhnn."

* * *

When Sephiroth woke up he frowned, ignoring his headache and dismayed to fine Cloud gone from the bed. He let out a sigh of relief when he saw the bathroom light on. 

"Cloud?" He poked his head inside, eyes widening at the sight of Cloud in a towel, wiping away water droplets from his hair. No! Just when the pervertedness had stopped!

"Sephiroth?" Cloud's face burned an adorable shade of red.

"You smell like me..." He purred, leaning over the blonde and bringing him close. 

"Sephiroth! I have classes!"

He didn't respond, hugging Cloud tighter.

"Are you humping me!?"

 


	6. The Fortunate Circumstances of Being A Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, last chapter. Not too sure how I feel about that. Well its been a little over a month, so I'd like to thank you guys for all your support, reading and all. Love you guys, you give me happy FEELS, so happy writing and have a wonderful day.

Cloud hummed happily- the new SOLDIERs sent him a wary glamkce because of it, and despite what they thought he was acutely aware of all their mistakes, and planned to have them train triple tomorrow, but for not he'd let it slid; the reason? 

He was in a good mood. 

Two years ago he had been promoted to first class along with Zack, Maya, Azul, and Rachel who is now forever scarred for life at the memory of the 'celebratory grope' ritual Maya performed, effectively enrageing Sephiroth to the point of grabbing masamune when Maya rubbed his ass _twice,_ then raised her sword over her head an howled; "LEROYYYY JEEENKINS!" Before running off with a sex god on two legs on her heels.

Actually, Cloud wasn't too sure about that last part since Sephiroth and he never actually... Ya know...

"Don't me a prude!" Maya cried, poking her head through the door and sending a flirtatious smile to a blushing third.

"Go away! You're ruining the plot!"

"Hey," Lyumua pouted, "that's my job!"

The fourth wall huffed, throwing it's hands up in the air in exasperation. "This is ridiculous! I quit!"

"No, fourth wall, come back!"

Cloud sighed, thinking about his handsome, perverted boyfriend, probably more indulged in stacks of paperwork than anything 'pervert-like' as Zack had once so eloquently phrased it, or staring at the clock and annoying the hell out of Genesis who was probably there with the intention of annoying Sephiroth... Huh... Ironic. 

They had gone on more dates, snuggled up to each other watching movies, and even fell asleep- yes they only slept, you perverted Fangirls/fanboys- in Sephiroth's gigantic bed and spent wonderful time together, and Sephiroth had promised that today was a 'special occasion'. 

What occasion? He really had no clue, but if Sephiroth was going to put his heart into something for him, Cloud would be more than happy no matter what happened. 

"Yo! Blondie!" Reno waved, a few shrinking back in fear of the Turk. "Happy Birthday, Chocob butt!" He exclaimed, extending a box wrapped in provocative paper of what looked to be fan art of... Him and Sephiroth. Wow... Detailed.

Wait, what?

"Huh?"

Reno laughed, pushing the present closer with a grin- whoa was that a picture of him topping Sephiroth!? "Don't tell me you forgot it was your birthday."

"I guess I did." He stuttered, taking the box. 

Five minuets of Reno talking and Cloud standing like an idiot the turk left, and Cloud was really starting to wonder how the he'll he was going to carry this through the hallways with a straight face as he dismissed the thrids and Zack came rushing in. "Hey Cloud I got you a present!"

"I don't want porn!"

"Ugh..." Zack paused, glancing inside the Chocobo print gift bag. "I don't think this qualifies as pornographic material..."

"Oh, well thanks."

Cloud was stopped next by Genesis and Angeal, whom of one who shall not be named was smirking down at him suspiciously. "Hello Cloud," the red head said first, handing him a red bag with a card in it. "I hope you have a wonderful birthday."

"Happy birthday." He frowned down at presents already in his hands. "Which one did Zack and Reno give you."

Smiling like the little shit he was he pointed to the porno box and said: "Zack." 

"Reno then." Angeal chuckled, shaking his head, handing over a box in red wrapping. "See you then." 

"Have fun~"

That didn't sound ominous.

Not at all. 

* * *

"Why is everyone giving me presents!" Cloud howled, tossing down the mountains of boxes, candy and bags and kicking them aside to step into Sephiroth's office. His boyfriend sent him a glare from behind a stack of paperwork, gesturing to the small mountains behind him that entirely consisted of presents. 

"I'd say I'm jealous, but I don't think you appreciate the... Gestures'." He scowled, wrinkling his nose in the most adorable way. "Even Hojo sent you a card- Hojo!" He snapped, breaking his pen.

"Creepy." He shuddered, feeling his groin shrink at the [memory](http://obstinatemelon.deviantart.com/art/Final-Fantasy-7-Page196-198984373) of running into the man in a speedo at Costa Del Sol. 

"Hn." He grunted, extending an arm. Clpoud took it without a single thought, allowing Sephiroth pull him into his lap and hug him close. "Then I hope you don't mind I dangled him over the edge of the roof for an hour."

"Did you drop him?"

"...Do I get one free grope if I did?"

Cloud sighed, nodding and Sephiroth eagerly grabbed his ass. "What's with everyone and my butt?"

"Its a lovely butt." Apparently to Sephiroth, that was an understatement, because waking up to your boyfriend fondling your backside was not pleasant. 

"Zack's nicer." He grumbled, resting his head on Sephiroth's shoulder and enjoying the safety and love he offered. 

"Hn. I think Genesis still has that ode..."

Cloud flushed red at the memory, the red head had woken with a hangover the day after the night in the bar, and as revenge for Sephiroth waking him up by shooting a gong with a standard infantry rifle Angeal and Cloud had no idea where Sephiroth had gotten the thing from, publicly read how great Cloud's ass looked in rhyme.

"No, please, no." He groaned, closing his eyes and burying his face in the curtain of Sephiroth's hair. 

" _Gentle hills in the silver_ -"

"No!" Cloud squeaked, silencing the man with a kiss and loathing the smirk Sephiroth flashed him when he pulled away. "So, what did you get me for my birthday?"

He stiffened, remarkably, looking like a deer in headlights as Cloud internally cheered; _revengemotherfuuuckkkaaarrr_! "Its... In my apartment."

"Let's go then." Cloud grinned, plucking out the presents he received from people he _actually_  knew and waited for Sephiroth to lead the way. Naturally, he couldn't hide his curiosity when he saw Sephiroth's shaking hand open the door, revealing candles bathing the dark interior with gentle lighting and rose petals on the floor in a neat trail into the apartment. 

Tentatively, he followed the petals into the bedroom, his heart pounding faster as he took a step into the room where candles rested decoratively on the dresser, the corner by the tall lamp and some against the wall and petals cluttering around them and leading to the bed. "Seph..." He managed, his voice cracking. 

"I..." He cleared his throat, taking Cloud's hands into his and the blonde couldn't help but appreciate the way his larger hands completely encompassed his smaller ones. "I didn't exactly react well... To... Well anything."

He sighed, Hus brows knitting together in frustration. "When I saw you, I hadn't thought much about it until you spoken... You had such a marvelous voice and were so spirited... I was... Moved." 

He bit on his lip before continuing; "I shrugged my emotions off because I earnestly thought you are a woman, and when I found out I just thought you were like-" his eyes rose from their hands to meet Cloud's gaze.

"I was wrong, but I have never been so lucky to meet someone who honestly wanted to know me as Sephiroth. I want the rest of my life with you... And... What I'm trying to say is..." He swallowed thickly, falling to one knee and Cloud nearly cried right then and there. "Will you marry me?"

"Yes!" He sobbed, throwing his arms around Sephiroth's shoulders, ignoring the small box that fell to the floor with a clatter. "Oh, to the gods- yes!"

"You know that cost almost a fifty thousand Gil..."

"Oh my gods!" Cloud shrieked, reading for the ring that had fallen under the bed and handed it back to Sephiroth. "Sorry! Sorry, I was just really happy." He sniffled, wiping the tears from his eyes. "Wait... Did you actually think I was going to say no?"

Sephiroth glanced down briefly- the only tale tell sign of his embarrassment- "yes, since I specifically recall you told your mother you wanted to wait over the phone."

Cloud giggled, pulling Sephiroth up onto his bed and snuggling close. "No dummy,  that was just me trying to shut her up." He hummed, nuzzling the crook oh Sephiroth's neck and placing small kisses on it. 

"About what?"

"She wanted me to hurry up and propose to you before someone else came along..." Cloud sighed, playing with Sephiroth's hair. 

Sephiroth wrinkled his nose at that. 

"Hush, you." Cloud slid out of bed, reaching for Zack's gift and reminding himself to thank the idiot for the lingerie later. "I'm going to go change."

"Is that Zack or Reno's gift."

And just because he could, he flashed Sephiroth his biggest grin. "Rufus's."

The expression on Sephiroth's face was _priceless_.

* * *

**Extra**

Cloud sighed, waking up to the warm body next to him cuddling up next to him he decided he did deserve some extra hours lazing around in bed as he absent mindedly tangled his fingers in Sephiroth's hair.

A while later, he decided that Sephiroth would probably like to wake up to a nice breakfast, cooked the biggest meal he ever served and sent a glance to the presents laying by the door. 

He frowned, pulling them over to the couch and decided to open a few before he woke Sephiroth up.

Unfortunately, Reno's giuft had to be censored and Cloud spent three seconds of that horrifying moment shoving the thing underneath the couch cushion and hoping it would never be found _ever_ again.

Angeal had gotten him a metal tin filled with various herbs for brewing tea along with a kettle and a small cookbook for cakes and mostly chocolate deserts- because if there was anything Sephiroth could say he probably loived more than Cloud, it was chocolate- along with an cute little kettle that was going to be on the kitchen counter for the foreseeable future. 

Maya had gotten him a dress with a note that read 'for _those_ nights'.

Azul knitted him three sweaters, two that read 'he's my boyfriend' and one that read 'Don't Ride the Chocobo Without a Saddle'. Cloud made a mental note to remind her that there were better ways to advocate safe sex than a sweater.

Rachel got him a picture of the time they managed to get all of them to dress up for Halloween (and Zack, conveniently had a two hundred pound suit made of metal).

Opening Genesis's card, he could fell he frown deepen as he read the words. 

_You have a nice ass._

_And Lately I have to ask_

_Up for a foursome?_

"Genesis...." Sephiroth growled from behind him, and before he got a headache for the rest of the day trying to stop the two idiots from fighting he stood and gave Sephiroth a chaste kiss, dragging him over to the table where the food was thankfully still steaming. 

"Good morning love."

He sighed, wrapping his arms around Cloud's waist and smiling. "Good morning, Cloud.

And a good morning it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Started: 06/28/2015  
> Finished:06/28/2015


End file.
